Raising Kids
…we must be vigilant every hour… (Rule of St. Benedict 7.29)
The kid who is old enough to chew solid food will also be smart enough to realize that you’re cooking peas with his pasta.
He’s willful enough to feel insulted.
He’s passionate enough to throw a screaming fit.
Because you’re a Christian mother–loving, joyful, peaceful, patient, kind, generous, faithful, gentle and self-controlled–you don’t beat him with your wooden spoon at the end of a long, hard day. Instead, you pour yourself a glass of wine, turn up the music, get down in his face with the bag of frozen peas and say: WATCH ME. Then in defiance of his will you add the peas to the ziti while he howls and kicks on the ground at your feet.
So what if he removes every pea from his bowl and refuses to eat even one? So what if he peers into each tube of ziti and sticks his finger in it to expel each internal pea? You’ve held the line. You’ve retained your principles. That was the Battle of the Peas, and you won it.
When he’s a little older, you’ll no longer permit him to remove all vegetable matter from his personal space. Even if he won’t taste the broccoli, he must tolerate it. He may not remove it to the table, or throw it on the floor, or foist it onto someone else’s plate. He must suffer the presence of the hated green thing. When at last he resigns himself to its existence, you’ve won the First Battle of Broccoli.
Then there’s the Second Battle to fight: he’s got to taste the broccoli.
When he gags and vomits at your dinner table, you feel disheartened. You’ve already toiled through years of cooking for an ungrateful, complaining family. Now you want to give up and never eat again–not with them. But the night is darkest just before the dawn. The little boy who gags on his broccoli will one day volunteer to cook dinner for his whole family (Fettuccine Alfredo; extra Parmesan; no peas).
Far, far more important than the presence or absence of vegetables are the social principles he has internalized:
- Everything the cook serves must be TASTED.
- The one who provides dinner must be THANKED.
- If you want it different, do it YOURSELF.
The first two principles are essential to civilization. The laws of hospitality are older than Abraham. Flaunt them at your peril. The third undergirds a free society.
So persevere. One day you’ll reap the rewards of having trained your children in good habits. When you feel yourself flagging, just take a look around at the consequences of giving up. Habits of self-control and principle go far beyond food choices. Children who’ve learned that food consumption is not an act of self-worship will later be able to put other forms of consumption into context. Habits acquired in childhood are difficult to break.