Love your enemies (Matthew 5:43-48; Luke 6: 27-35). (RB 4. 31)
Loving your enemies sounds like a nice idea until you actually have enemies yourself.
An enemy is not merely someone with whom you disagree. You can disagree with your friends passionately and perpetually.
Nor is an enemy an opponent in a game. An opponent recognizes the same rules you do.
“Love does no wrong to a neighbor” (Romans 13:10), but your enemies will accuse you anyway, even if you haven’t done anything to harm them. They insult and threaten you when you had no thought of interfering with them at all. An enemy is someone who acts on the intent to wrong you.
As Christians, if we must love our enemies, and if love does no wrong to a neighbor, we cannot ourselves be anyone’s enemy, can we?
So the enemy is not our neighbor. . . . Aha!
Nope. The parable of the Good Samaritan shows that we must be good neighbors to everyone, even longstanding enemies.
Maybe we’ve misunderstood love. God is love, but God is not our slave. Neither are we enslaved to those we love. A Christian concept of love is essentially voluntary. Love ends where coercion begins.
Christian love does set aside the self-interest of the moment for the good of the other person. But the good of the other person is not always what that person demands. When someone wants something that is not good, you say no, for love’s sake.
Love yields and sacrifices, but love is not suicidal. God is the one who called you into being. Therefore you must exist, and this may include resistance.
We know that “the Lord disciplines those he loves” (Hebrews 12:6; Proverbs 3:12). Therefore a Christian concept of love includes setting boundaries and enforcing standards. Without wronging anyone, you can communicate that you find the insults offensive and the threats alarming. Make sure your enemies realize how they’re affecting you. Sometimes people don’t know that they’re hurting you. It may be that your enemy is not a beast.
So give the benefit of the doubt. Make space. Swim away. There’s room enough in the ocean for both of you.
If, after you’ve peaceably turned away from a fight, your enemy pursues you, intent on dominating you wherever you may be, it is time to enforce the principle at issue. Whatever rule you enforce on your enemy must be one that you yourself are abiding by. To govern your own behavior by the same standards that you apply to others is one aspect of loving your neighbor as yourself. And the standard you try to live by was not invented by you. For example: loving your enemy.
Like animals, humans will usually decide it’s not worth the trouble of bothering you, once they discover that you’re peaceable when left alone but determined to defend yourself when attacked. There are occasions when Christians are inspired by the Holy Spirit to set aside their right to self-defense, imitating Christ’s sacrifice. But no human being has the authority to require someone else’s self-sacrifice. And if you’re the only one standing between your enemy and someone weaker than yourself, love may require that you fight.
There may come a time when your enemy is too big for you to handle alone. In this situation, escape is what you should aim for. Escape first, and then work on making new friends, so you’re not alone next time. A cohesive group is unappealing to aggressors. They’re looking for vulnerable singletons to pick off.
If only this were the end of it. We could take a break, go home, be safe. But sometimes strangers are not the problem. The enemy is someone close. Does loving your enemy include suffering wrongs at the hands of the one you love? These are deep waters, and murky. Explain the situation to a kind stranger. There are times when it’s the stranger who is your friend.
And then there’s the enemy who used to love you. This is the one who will break your heart. Why did this person despise your devotion and turn against you, treating you with contempt? There’s nothing quite like the distress of loving the enemy who once was dear. The world seethes with ex-spouses, ex-lovers and so many other exes who are now enemies.
On an ordinary day without tragedy, loving any of them comes down to treating people well who do not reciprocate your efforts. Converse cheerfully with complainers. Keep calm during a hostile confrontation. Patiently put up with irritations. Kindly share with those who’ve been selfish. Remain reliable even with those who are deceitful. Retain self-control around those who’ve rejected discipline. Intercede for those who’ve wronged you.
God himself promises to reward us if we behave well toward those who behave badly toward us. Nothing anyone can say will ever make this easy, but the Holy Spirit can make it possible.